


i taste just like candy!

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Body Image, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Sad, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22875376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this one's longer than gabe saporta, sorry--
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	i taste just like candy!

Gerard smiled, sickly-sweet, as he swallowed down the vomit at the back of his burning throat. “Hey, Frankie!”, he cooed, hoping he didn’t sound as fake as he felt. His head throbbed, and he sucked in the berry-red blood threatening to drip from his nose. Frank smiled. “Hey, Gee.”, he breathed, and his lips were against Gerard’s. The words “I love you” echoed through what was left of the boy’s brain, but Frank’s kiss stole the words from his lips.  
Gerard was a total wreck. His teeth were falling out, his nose was bleeding, he lived off drugs and sugar. It was worth it, he told himself every day, if Frankie loved him like this. He stared at himself in the mirror, stick-thin and deathly pale, big hazel eyes and chapped pink lips. His hair was short and bottle blonde, makeup plastered onto his face. He even wore an outfit that made him look like the expensive stripper he was pretending to be. Blue raspberry tears poured down his white sugar face as memories flooded back to him.  
“F-Frankie?”, Gerard stuttered, approaching his longtime crush. He stared at the ground, hoping to God that Frank liked chubby Star Wars nerds. Frank looked up at him, at least. That was a good sign. “I-I really like you…”, Gerard squeaked. “U-uh…”, Frank smiled awkwardly, obviously trying not to hurt the boy’s feelings. “I-I’m sorry, you’re really not my type. You seem nice, though.” Gerard smiled weakly, hiding the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “Th-thanks.”  
And after that, everything was perfect. Frank’s lips were sour peach hard candy, melting Gerard’s bubblegum heart. Gerard never wanted to be himself ever again.  
But then, as quickly as it had begun, his relationship with Frank ended. It was Gerard’s birthday, for fuck’s sake. Frank didn’t even get him a card, just kissed him on the cheek with no emotion and told him they were through. Gerard collapsed, sobbing, on the floor. Everything was perfect. Everything was sweet.  
…

It started small. He started washing his dark rat’s nest of hair more often. He smiled more. Frankie probably wouldn’t notice for a while, Gerard knew. But still, every inch of him screamed for the other boy to notice him, to hold him, to love and cherish him unconditionally. So he pushed on. He neglected his studies, failed all his tests. But Gerard didn’t care if he had to drop out of college, as long as he had Frankie.  
Gerard’s family was starting to notice. “You’ve lost a lot of weight, sweetie. Are you eating alright?”, his mother would ask, and he would smile and nod, tell her it was nothing to worry about. He had been exercising, he would say, and thank you for noticing. “Gee? You’re acting dumb, even for you. What’s wrong?”, his brother would tease him, masking the real concern in his voice. It was nothing, he would say. Just spaced out for a minute, happens to everyone.  
His hair was the next big change. He cut it all off with safety scissors in an empty public bathroom, crying into the sink. Then came the bleach, burning his skull as he poured it on. His head burned, his mouth was dry, his nose was bleeding. He reached into his pocket, and found a long-forgotten lollipop. It was cherry. When Gerard licked it, he felt what was left of his mind melt away. He smiled. He would have to buy more candy.  
Next, Gerard’s clothes changed. Sweatshirts and flannels became crop tops, baggy jeans became miniskirts and fishnets, sneakers became ridiculously uncomfortable high heels. But it was okay. Whenever Gerard felt sad, he would take a lollipop from his pocket, and then everything would be okay again.  
When Gerard went back to Frank and asked him out again, he said yes. What else could he say? Gerard was sexy and empty, with that annoying “personality” part gone. Everything was perfect. Everything was sweet.  
…  
Mikey’s brother had always been the nerdy type, the kind of person who would freak out if he got a 99 on a test. He had never cared about being skinny or attractive or actively trying to get people to like him. And that was what Mikey loved about Gerard.  
So when Gerard came home from school with tears in his eyes and a rented VHS tape of a Victoria’s Secret fashion show, Mikey was a little bit concerned. But he just sat in the chair behind him and waited for him to pull out his sketchbook and a copy of Fangoria, like he usually did around this time. By the time the fifth or sixth model was walking down the runway, Mikey knew something was up. A model so worryingly thin that she looked like she was made of glass, with a platinum blonde pixie cut and a skimpy outfit all in different shades of pink, walked down the runway.  
With wide eyes, Gerard paused the tape and scribbled something in his sketchbook, which should have been a good sign. But Mikey had a sneaking suspicion that this drawing wasn’t his one of his brother’s usual vampire or supervillain sketches. Whatever Gerard was doing, Mikey had a feeling it wasn’t good.  
For the next week, Mikey went to visit his long-distance boyfriend in Chicago. Hopefully, Gee would be back to normal by the time he got home. The trip was wonderful. When Mikey opened the door to his and Gerard’s shared room, a bitter sense of dread filled him from head to toe. A skeletally thin figure was stretched across the carpet, wearing a cut-off babydoll shirt and a leather miniskirt, both in blinding neon shades of pink. The figure’s skin was covered with scabs, cuts, and bruises. The hair was cropped and bottle-blonde, the skin porcelain-white, all the veins visible. The person was batting their fake eyelashes and puckering up their lips in the mirror, applying strawberry lip gloss. On the bed were a small bottle of pink nail polish, an eyelash curler, a package of razorblades, and a bag of what Mikey could only assume was cocaine. “…Gee?...”, he started, unsure of how to react.  
Gerard turned around, bones audibly cracking with the movement. He grinned and limped towards Mikey, throwing his arms around the younger boy. “MIKEY!! I MISSED YOU!!” Mikey smiled awkwardly. “Uh… I missed you too, Gee. How’d you do on the big chemistry test?”, he prompted. Gerard had been studying for the chemistry final almost obsessively for at least a month now. But now, his face went blank at the mention of the exam. “Hmm?” Suddenly, his eyes lit up with recognition, and he smiled. “Oooh, I failed it!”, he giggled. “They’re taking me out of advanced chemistry and putting me in the basic class.” Mikey blinked.  
“Oh… okay, Gee. Could…”, he desperately tried to think of something that might bring back Gerard’s old self. “Could you draw me? I’d reaaaally like it.” Gerard pouted, but nodded. “Y’know I just did my nails… can’t be messin’ em up.” Mikey gawked. Gerard loved to draw better than anything in the world. Or, at least, the old Gerard had. “But I’ll do it, just for you.” “Thanks…” Mikey sat and watched Gerard concentrate, staring at him. Maybe everything would be okay, maybe he would make another beautiful drawing, just like in the old days. “Okay, it’s done!” Gerard turned the sketchpad around with a giggle, and revealed a crude stick figure with glasses and a poor attempt at Mikey’s hair. His heart sank. “D’ya like it?” “Yeah. Yeah, I like it, Gee.”  
…

Mikey remembered being a toddler, playing too roughly with his favorite teddy bear and damaging it beyond repair. Gee had been there, dark brown hair and big brown eyes and wide smile, to replace Mikey’s plushie with his own. “You’re the best big brother ever!”, Mikey had shouted, hugging his brother’s leg. Mikey remembered the way things had been just a little over a year ago, although it seemed as though an eternity had passed since then. Gee had been there, box-dyed black hair hanging greasy and long in his face and motheaten sweatshirts and wide smile, running to their room to tell Mikey about his latest comic book idea, or the newest issue of Fangoria, or whether Superman or Batman would win in an ultimate battle. He had been just overflowing with facts and emotions and creativity, the smartest person Mikey knew.  
Mikey remembered the night after it happened, after Frank happened. Gee had been there, of course, chopped platinum blonde hair and bright pink nails and bloody nose, vomiting into a Hello-Kitty-themed trash can. Mikey had tried desperately to distract him. “H-hey, tell me about the latest issue of Fangoria! It looked really c-cool!”, he stammered. Gee had looked at him blankly. “What’s that?” Mikey had cried into his brother’s brand new crop top as he hugged him tightly.  
Mikey wouldn’t be making any more memories with Gerard, he knew. “You’re the best big brother ever.”, he whispered, blinking the tears from his eyes as he laid two crimson roses on his nineteen-year-old brother’s grave. He hoped it had been worth it, looking pretty.


End file.
